If you’re anything like me then you’ve probably spent a fair amount of your life scratching your head about how to have a healthy and loving relationship.
I mean how the heck are we meant to learn what’s healthy and unhealthy in relationships when this stuff isn’t taught at school?
Up until I learned my pattern for attracting narcissistic individuals (and no, not just someone with an inflated ego - those with NPD are highly destructive and create this roller coaster ride of highs and lows that you wish you’d never stepped foot on) I had no idea there was even such a thing as healthy or unhealthy relationships…and unfortunately I had to learn this the hard way.
But you don’t have to!
It’s the reason why I’m so passionate about the work that I do and the women that I support. See a lot of what we’ve learned about relationships has been unconscious. We’ve learned ways of ‘relating’ to others through our childhood experiences and our primary caregivers - our programming in those early years of life impact our view on love, relationships and even our bigger understandings of the world significantly.
One of the first things that I do with my clients is help them recognise what their beliefs are around love, relationships with others and the relationship they have with themselves just to name a few. And then we establish WHERE these stories and limiting belief systems originated and what experiences they may have had that set the tone for those beliefs. Now I’m the first to say that self awareness is absolute key…however when it comes to really and truly breaking the cycle of toxic and dysfunctional relationships we can’t just end there.
We MUST go deeper.
A lot of people get scared at the thought of going deep, confronting themselves with their own stuff BUT not only have I seen the power of transforming my own life, I’ve seen it time and time again with my clients. The growth and transformation on the other side of that exploration is truly liberating! See in order to break free from this toxic relationship cycle we must be willing to move THROUGH the pain, hurt, anger, resentment…it’s not something we can get over or ignore. This is because we cannot consciously think our way out of unconscious programming and belief systems that have been running our life up until this point.
So HOW do we break the cycle of toxic relationships?
So as I’ve mentioned self awareness is key here. It is the first step to identifying and recognising our unconscious programming and limiting beliefs. Asking yourself powerful questions about what you believe about love and relationships is a great starting point for you to gain some awareness around the types of motivators that influence your decision making when it comes to dating and relationships.
Cultivating a Healthy Sense of Self
In order for us to truly break free from the cycle of toxic relationships we must learn to create a powerful and healthy way of relating to ourselves. This involves self care and self love tools to cultivate a positive sense of self. We must also learn to practice speaking kindly to ourselves, learning to relate positively to ourselves when it comes to the words we speak about ourselves, how we feel about the way we look, what we do for a living and our overall fulfllment in life. Cultivating a healthy sense of self isn’t an overnight job, you might have already even implemented self care tools like getting your nails or hair done regularly but the truth is these things are purely external and short term fixes for a long term deep ingrained way of being.
Feeling Good and Connecting to Your Body
For many of us we are driven, intelligent women looking at building a life for ourselves independent to anyone else. We’re go getters, achievers and we know how to get what we want. But it’s true that in order to constantly be this driven and motivated woman, we can get heavily stuck in the masculine and forget our feminine flow and sensuality. Unhealthy and toxic relationships have a disproportionate amount of masculine and feminine energy - if you’re anything life me you will have tried to match the masculine go getting and ambitious energy that your partner had. And this is not sustainable if we want to attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Both men and women have feminine and masculine energy, but in healthy relationships this energy flows with more ease and flow between the two in the relationship and it’s not a fight for who has the power (for those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse this battle of power and control dictated by the narcissist is exhausting and draining to say the least). As women we must learn how to FEEL GOOD in our body, learn how to connect back to our sensuality and really feel pleasure in order to connect back to our feminine.
Reclaiming Your Power
Having a connection to my own personal power is something that I’ve never really experienced up until about 12 months ago. The minute I felt it I was hooked. The burning desire, passion, connection to my anger (there is a way to healthily express this!) full body connection and feeling of freedom are all ways in which I would describe what it feels like to really embody and tap into your personal power. It’s not about being rude or aggressive, or constantly living from your ego…no, it’s much more powerful, subtle and courageous than that. It’s a fine balance of harnessing your own truth, your voice, your personal boundaries and your discernment. Only YOU know how you SHOULD and WOULD like to be treated, but it’s something that again we have to consciously choose, otherwise we will just settle for anything - and that is a dangerous game to play when we become much more susceptible to narcisssitic and abusive individuals.
By living in your personal power you are living out of a place of love and respect for yourself and those around you. You value and honour yourself and others. You make choices from a place of love and putting your needs first and you speak your truth in a way that is self honouring and embodies your values.
Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships takes time, commitment and effort but it IS possible.
You ARE loveable.
You ARE amazing.
And you do deserve to have incredible and long lasting HEALTHY love in your life!!
To learn more about my journey to self empowerment and for some powerful journaling prompts you can read another post I wrote on this HERE…
PS. Do you Live in Melbourne?
If you live in Melbourne and are interested in receiving 1:1 support or support in a group setting I’ll be travelling over in October 2018 and running in person events and coaching!
Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Relationships Workshop
This workshop is specifically created for women who have experienced toxic/abusive relationships in particular with narcissistic individuals. Together we will explore the relationship between your self worth and your pattern of attracting toxic relationships.
Uncover your beliefs around love and relationships
Connect with a group of like minded women who understand and have had similar relationship experiences
Experience what it feels like to be fully present and in the joy of being in your body
Receive practical tools to build your self worth, self esteem and regain your personal power
Gain a toolkit of emotion expression and release techniques to help you navigate your healing and transformation journey
To find out more click here - https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/breaking-the-cycle-of-toxic-relationships-tickets-49838928577
DISCOUNT CODE - use melbourne15 to receive 15% discount on your ticket on checkout!
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Group
In this 3 hour narcissistic abuse support group we will explore some of the core concepts that I teach on a regular basis in my Perth support group:
* Understanding the cycle of emotional abuse
*Abuse tactics used by narcissists
* Co-dependency and other core issues
*Healing after narcissistic abuse
*Reclaiming your personal power after narcissistic abuse You'll receive practical tools and hear from other women.
To learn more and book click here - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=16571855&appointmentType=8003795
1:1 In Person Coaching Intensive
Want to work in person with me?
I currently have 2 spaces left to have a 1:1 in person 2 hour coaching intensive with me.
How I work with clients...
I am a big advocate for self awareness, reprogramming old limiting beliefs and embodiment practices to help clients break free from toxic relationships. I do this by working with clients on the following:
* gaining awareness of your limiting beliefs
*recognise and shifting unconscious programming
* using self awareness techniques to change behaviour and cultivate a new healthy sense of self
* emotional expression and release techniques
* embodying techniques for self care to develop and build healthy self esteem
By doing this work my clients have been able to:
* break the cycle of toxic and abusive relationships
* clear and create healthy ways of communication and managing your triggers
* learn how to foster a healthy sense of relating to yourself and others
* build and sustain healthy loving relationships
To find out more just click here…