"We teach people how to treat us by the way we respond to them." Christine Hassler
I heard this quote on a recent podcast by the amazing Christine Hassler, and it really resonated with me. It got me thinking about communication and relationships, the way that we interact with people and how that impacts our relationships with others. Having reflected on my own life and my interactions with others, I recognised patterns and reoccurring experiences which had been impacting my life. My need to be liked, loved and valued as a person was stemming from a need to be validated by others. The problem with this is that when we seek external validation we come across as needy and unsure of ourselves. We give away our power to others who may not have our best interests at heart! Especially as an emotional empath, it is easy to lose emotional energy to those that seek that energy, love and emotions to boost themselves. This circle of needing acceptance, external validation and striving for perfection in order to feel worthy and accepted will likely mean that you to continue to attract the same people and experiences in your life. Continuing this cycle not only causes pain, suffering and a feeling of hopelessness.
It's easy to think that life happens to us, but in actual fact it happens for us. We are not victims of our circumstances, but rather we have the ability to manifest our truest desires and make them a reality. There is a lesson in everything that we feel, learn and experience, and it's up to us to engage in and learn from the wisdom the universe is trying to impart on us.
So much of what happens in our life is a reflection, projection and result of our inner world. If our inner world is chaotic so will be our outer world.
So what is it that we can learn from others and the way we communicate with people?
The way we communicate with others reflects the way we treat ourselves.
If we are hostile and judgemental of others, most likely we are actually treating ourselves the same way. Remember our internal world will be reflected in our external world. Think about your interactions with other people. How are you communicating with others? Do you treat yourself with kindness, compassion and love? Do you lovingly assert yourself and not get caught up in the drama from the other person?
Responding negatively can show people you have little respect for yourself and therefore on a subconscious level show people they can also treat you like that.
Engaging in negative communication with others is disrespecting yourself. We make the choice to lower our behaviour to match the negative energy of the other person. We can choose to behave the same way, or we can respect ourselves and remove ourselves from the situation/experience or person who we are engaging in the drama with. Also remember people can sense on a sub conscious level the way you behaviour and interact with others. If you are treating yourself with little respect by engaging in the same negative behaviours the other person will think they can also treat you the same. Unfortunately once this is established in a relationship it can be very difficult to change that dynamic and assert yourself. Remember people will take you for a ride if you let them. So don't give them that option.
By allowing our emotions to control how we communicate with people we are not coming from a loving or respectful place neither for our self or the other person.
Having emotions and being connected to that part of us is very important of living an authentic and deeply aligned life. We can however get caught in the trap of thinking that responding negatively from a highly emotional state all of the time is ok. Unfortunately when we are too caught up in our emotions we are not able to think with logic and reason and may end up saying things that we regret. Sometimes it's best to calm down, take a moment to think about what has upset you and clearly communicating that from a space of love and respect for yourself.
So here are some questions for you:
How are you communicating with the people in your life?
Do you process your negative emotions before you communicate with others?
Do you have clear boundaries?
Are there consequences if people cross your boundaries and do you follow through when people don't respect them?
And lastly, how can you treat yourself with more compassion, love and kindness today?